Non-negotiables and Physician Financial Well-being

My wife and I recently started watching ‘The Bear’ on FX. I know… we are late to the show. The Bear has been around for a few years and has received critical acclaim. Like our foray into Ted Lasso, we fell hard. The Bear, and its portrayal of high-stakes culinary cuisine and restaurant management, felt eerily like medical training. It was bombastic, tumultuous, and anxiety-provoking. 

At one point in the show (spoiler alert), the main character decides to make a list of ‘non-negotiables.’  This is a list of aspects of their future restaurant that the owner is unwilling to compromise.  This list included excellence, joy, innovation, originality, etc.  The chef hoped that success and happiness could be achieved by sticking to non-negotiables. 

This got me thinking about my own non-negotiables.  The more I have reflected on what is important to me, the more I believe we all need a concrete list of things we are unwilling to compromise on.  This week, I wanted to take some time to talk about my own non-negotiables and physician financial well-being.

Midlife

I had an unnerving realization the other day.  I am in my midlife. 

I know this sounds ridiculous, but it is true. I am in my mid-thirties, married, and have two children and a third on the way. I am well rooted in my current academic career, and I write about personal and physician finance regularly. With current average life expectancies in the U.S. remaining around the latter half of 70, I am very much in my midlife.

The past few weeks of writing and celebrating our recent financial milestones have allowed me to reframe my perspective and future goals.  Now that I am no longer defining every decision by its impact on debt elimination, I am actively experiencing the transition from money as my rate-limiting resource to time.  Time now seems more and more valuable than money. 

The 25/5 Method

Though it remains somewhat unclear if this strategy is correctly attributed to Warren Buffet, some still accredit him for creating the 25/5 Method.  It basically goes as follows:

1. Create a list of your top 25 personal and/or professional goals.
2. Circle the five that are most important to you.  These can be the most urgent or highest priority.
3. Now, forget about the remaining 20.  Spending time or effort on them will only hinder your ability to focus on your five most important goals.

Whether Mr. Buffet truly created this method or not, the exercise remains effective. It is a practice in priority, forcing an individual to think about all their personal goals and then selecting the ones that they are unwilling to compromise on. This can help focus and provide a new perspective with which to view lower-priority goals. 

When I think about my non-negotiables, I often utilize the 25/5 Method to better define what is important in life. Some of these can be concrete goals, and some can be less of a goal and more of a priority. Here is how I define my non-negotiables personally. 

Non-negotiables and Physician Financial Well-being

Marriage

The first non-negotiable on my list is my marriage.  My marriage, like most items that will make this list, is relatively self-explanatory.  Though I do not have a specific goal, I am unwilling to compromise on my pursuit of being present and prioritizing my relationship. 

Sadly, at the age of 35, I have already begun to witness failed marriages and divorce amongst my colleagues and friends. It is wild to see relationships succumb to the myriad problems that are so stereotypical in our profession. Though I do not seek to label or determine which failed relationships needed to evolve and which ones should have ‘worked through it,’ I use this as a constant reminder to prioritize the most important person in my life. 

I have even written prior articles about how your marriage is your most important financial asset.  I do not intend to make light of the relationship, much the opposite.  A healthy relationship often provides the doorway to sound financial collaboration and shared goals as you navigate life together.  I have found this to be the case in my own life, and I feel that any couple with aspirations of financial well-being will also prioritize their relationship. 

Family

The second non-negotiable is family. I have a growing family. As I celebrate the fortune I have been bestowed, I feel the need to focus my time and attention on my family more and more. This poses a challenge, especially in the medical profession, where patient care is a jealous mistress. 

In practice, what does ‘prioritizing family’ really look like?  Obviously, we cannot give up our careers to prioritize family unless we have a spouse with a supportive income or a substantial nest egg.  Often, the act of ‘working hard’ is a way to pay homage to your family.  However, it often means I am working to complete my work before coming home.  Improving ways to be maximally efficient so that I can be present at home.  When I have time off, free nights, and weekends, I prioritize time with them before making my own plans, lest I need ‘me time.’  More on that later…

As families grow and evolve, deciding how to best prioritize them can be hard.  As children age, they may wish to spend less time with you.  I find it all the more important to create habits that allow you to make the most of your time with them.  I am happiest when bundled up on the couch, sharing a blanket, preparing for their bedtime.  I want to continually shape my lifestyle and career to accommodate this as often as possible. 

Career

Speaking of career, phew… where to begin?  I think I spend so much time writing about financial independence that I can often project that our profession is ‘just a means to an end.’  However, that could not be further from the truth.  One of the main reasons I can write so abundantly about career and finances is because I am lucky enough to work in a secure profession that has, historically, a high income.

With that, I fully intend to work for years to come. I am, personally, not trying to retire from medicine as fast as my finances allow, at least not at the time this article was published. I love my job, and I have a growing family to provide for. My income and future earnings afford me the ability to truly tackle many goals, both personal and financial. 

However, quality of life over quantity of reimbursement is very important to me.  Yes, I do, in fact, wish to be adequately and fairly compensated, but given that I operate inside a dual-physician household, I am not overextending myself to increase my income at the expense of my other non-negotiables.  So, where does that leave my career?

I want to prioritize always being the best physician I can be when I am present at the hospital. I want to create a home environment that allows me to be fully present at work. I want to always navigate decisions based on their impact on my other non-negotiables, even if it comes at the expense of pay. 

Am I burnt out from taking regular call?  Is it making me less present at home?  Am I ornery because I cannot leave work behind when I come home?  These are where my thoughts go.  I should strategically seek opportunities to direct my clinical burden to better fit my personal and professional health. 

I recognize this is a privilege that comes with having a dual income in my household, but one I wish to utilize as best as possible.  I can only be my best self at work if I prioritize my life outside work and vice versa.  I want to be a doctor for at least another two decades, and I know myself well enough that this is only achievable if I make decisions in my career that prioritize a healthy work-life balance, even if that means dropping aspects of my clinical duties or administrative roles.    

Personal Health

I will be the first to say that medical education and early career are not the most conducive to prioritizing a healthy lifestyle.  Maybe some do not see it this way, and largely I would expect most doctors to understand the importance of preventative health, diet, and exercise.  However, in my experience, this is not always the case.

Weeks that I am covering the ICU make it nearly impossible to exercise.  Further, when things get hectic at the house, defaulting to eating out becomes commonplace.  Yet, as I have adjusted to being a father and having a long-term mindset about providing for others, my health and well-being have seemed more and more important.  If I want to live long and well, I must prioritize healthy habits now so that my future self can reap the benefits.

Over the past few years, exercising regularly, trying to make salads regular occurrences throughout the week, and minimizing alcohol have proven truly life-changing.  Even the small transition from drinking less or only purchasing non-alcoholic beers has had a beneficial impact on how I feel. 

Lastly, it is truly profound how emotionally different I feel after I exercise. I often feel anxious or worked up about God-knows-what, but after working out, I can better rationalize a scenario and be more objective in my self-reflection and/or decision-making. This leads me to recognize obstacles as inconveniences, not catastrophes, and then act accordingly.

My new life motto: “Shut up and sweat, then make a decision.”

Personal Joy

My final non-negotiable has proven to be the hardest to prioritize and decipher. Though I understand the importance of ‘me time,’ in practice, I sometimes feel that I genuinely suffer from a productivity problem. 

I often reflect on this, but I cannot imagine I am the only one to feel this way.  In fact, I would bet most Type A, driven individuals (much like the personality it takes to become a physician/dentist/pharmacist, etc.) are also plagued by productivity.  We have created habits around efficient work and productivity; this is how we determine and define our success.  The more we do in a day, the better the day is, right? 

However, I have forced myself to stop and reflect on this, and my conclusion is that this is largely a fallacy.  If I only judge my worth based on how much I accomplish, then I will inevitably fill in all my free time and eventually burn myself out.

Recently, I have reflected on this website. Though I receive immense joy from sharing my thoughts and seeing them resonate with others in the physician finance niche, creating content 1-2 times a week, editing, publishing, promoting, and navigating business relationships is exhausting. What started as a passion project has morphed into a second job. Though the business is productive, it often can siphon time from my other non-negotiables, which leads to frustration and subsequently impacts personal health.

I am working hard to ensure that this site and all its wonderful aspects find a home in my larger plans.  Learning how to enjoy myself in the absence of productivity is vastly important to me, and it is something that I continue to struggle with but know I must prioritize. 

Financial Happiness

Notice what did not make my Top 5?  Finances. 

Yes, coming from someone who blogs about finances weekly, one would imagine it holds vital importance in my life.  True, I do find it important, but I believe that with some time investment, all you need to know to succeed can be achieved with minimal risk to your priorities.  Subscribing to a few well-written and informative blogs, reading the occasional personal finance book, and learning the nuances of physician finances are likely enough to lead to your success, so finances can become secondary to your other personal goals.

I think it is true that 95% of physician finance is just common-sense personal finance.  The education and tools you need to thrive are what everyone needs, regardless of their profession.  For this reason, healthy financial habits are important to better afford you the time to focus on other things.  Things like your family, your friends, your hobbies, and yourself.  What are your non-negotiables?

Stay motivated!

The Motivated M.D.

Standard Disclaimer: None of the information on this website is meant as individualized financial or medical advice.  These posts may contain affiliate links.