How to Leave a Legacy

I have been thinking a lot about what I will one day leave behind.  For the record, I am not someone who is generally overly reflective…but something about having children makes you think.  There is something near indescribable that occurs when you have children.  Suddenly, you are no longer the star of your own show… and that is a genuinely good thing.  As I have recently spent a significant amount of time with the generations above and below me, I have started to think about my own legacy.  I write a lot about my profession, and even more about building financial prosperity.  Yet, it is our legacy that will ultimately define the life we lived.  This is how to leave a legacy!

A healthy dose of perspective

Ultimately, my father had to retire from dentistry due to progressive dementia, however as a family, we label it as ‘it was time.’  Alzheimer’s disease plagues the paternal side of my lineage.  My grandfather suffered from it, and now my father appears to be wrestling with the same thing.  Formally, he was diagnosed with neurocognitive dementia… but I know what it is.  We don’t need to beat around the bush…

As I have been forced to watch my father slowly lose his wits, it has me feeling the unrelenting pressure of time.  Of course, it is cliché to write about how ‘finite our time is.’  However, watching one of the most intelligent and hard-working figures in my life lose his ability to recall words, memories, and knowledge has been heartbreaking to say the least.  What’s equally as difficult is watching the toll it appears to take on my mother.  She is now forced to watch her partner of more than 40 years deteriorate in the retirement they always dreamed of. 

Rags to riches

My father, an American ‘rags to riches’ story, reached new heights with hard-work, grit, a well-chosen profession, and a little bit of luck.  My parents instituted all the personal financial habits that would become the FIRE movement before ‘FIRE’ was a movement.  They lived below their means, saved, invested, stayed the course, and kept a liquid emergency fund.  Yet no amount of wealth accumulation can defeat dementia.  With my parents in their golden years, they are forced to face the unfortunate truth… no amount of money can buy a second of time back.  Would my mother or father have lived differently if they knew their retirement would be plagued by Alzheimer’s and caretaker fatigue?  Would they have reconsidered their legacy? 

What is a legacy?

There are many ways to define a legacy.  In its simplest form, a legacy is something passed on.  Be it money, time, knowledge, reputation, you name it!  Personally, I never thought about my legacy until I had someone to pass it on to. 

Enter children

Though I currently spend most of my nights stumbling around my house soothing crying babies, there is no one I fixate on more than my kids (and my wife… love you sweetheart). 

Baby boomer mentality

My father was a product of the baby boomer generation.  An increase in procreation that occurred following the second World War.  This generation was largely defined by the notion that their children should ‘have it better than we did.’ 

Parents of the baby boomer generation instilled in their children the need to ‘work hard, make money, so you don’t struggle like we did.’  My grandparent’s generation came on the heels of the first Great World War, and saw the boom of the roaring twenties, and the bust of the Great Depression.  They wanted their kids to ‘have it better.’  This mentality largely drove my father’s generation to consume, purchase, and upgrade their way to a better life for their children. 

I will say, overwhelmingly, my parents did just that.  My father was the first in his family with a college degree, and subsequently a doctorate.  He became a dentist and practiced in the rural Southeast.  He loved his career, thrived in his community, and was fixated on his financial performance.  I was never ‘without’ during my childhood.  My parents taught me the importance of intelligent financial habits.  They demonstrated through their actions what a well-paying career and intelligent investing could afford you.

The difficulties of legacy

As I reflect on my childhood, their legacy was overwhelmingly that of money.  Not money in a sense of inheritance (I honestly work diligently to avoid any economic outpatient care).  Money in the sense of fiscal responsibility.  However, as I enter parenthood and face new financial struggles, I no longer have my father’s brain to lean on, to field questions, and discuss scenarios.

As I have turned inward to reflect on legacy, I have found that there are largely 4 categories I consider legacy worthy.  Now, one could argue there are plenty more than this… I would agree!  However, to simplify things, I have lumped everything into these 4 groups.  Wealth, Family, Knowledge, and Time. 

Wealth as legacy

The first, and most common legacy I often see utilized is wealth.  Money…wealth…I use them interchangeably here.  When it comes to leaving a legacy, if money is your vehicle, or a component of it, there are a few things to consider. 

First, there are many ways to use wealth as a legacy.  Wealth can afford education.  Wealth can create business.  Further, wealth can drive philanthropy and charity.  There are an abundance of lessons to be shared if you are fortunate enough to create lasting wealth. 

Wealth v. Entitlement

I think it pertinent to comment that there is a difference between wealth as a legacy, and making your family ‘rich.’  Money for the sake of money is not always a good thing.  Greed and envy spawn from an abundance of money.  There is a fine line between utilizing wealth as a legacy, and creating a sense of entitlement.  How to define wealth v. entitlement for your children is a far greater discussion.

However, as we work to create sustainable retirements, wealthier futures, and potentially even FIRE, remember that wealth as a legacy can be tricky.  Most of us (I suspect) want to provide a better future for those we leave our legacy to.  However, how you utilize that money, and the manner with which you implement wealth are far more important than the amount itself. 

Family as legacy

I was born and raised in the rural Southeast.  I ultimately married a woman from a large family from New England.  The differences in our family dynamic, from size to interaction, are astounding.  However, what I originally saw as overwhelming quickly became comforting. 

Every one of you will (hopefully) create a family of your own.  Family, in this context, is what you make it.  Be it blood relatives, friends, peers, work colleagues, whatever it is, you will likely build a family from this.  You all have the power to create a family that embraces you, loves you for who you are, and allows you to be yourself.  As I think about family as a legacy, I want to cultivate an interaction with both nuclear and extended family that surrounds them in love and support.  It can be difficult when you start a family (or marry into one) to know if this will be the culture that is ultimately created. 

‘It takes a village…’

Family can be a challenging thing too.  We all have to lean on those around us at some point in our lives for support.  ‘It takes a village,’ is just as true today as it was a century ago.  Cultivate meaningful relationships with the family you choose.  Family as legacy involves building lasting relationships.  Help others through hard times, celebrate them in good ones.  Teach your children that others may view the world differently, and that a variety of views is a good thing!  Our media may try and convince us otherwise…  Leaving the legacy of a nurturing family is one that has withstood the test of time. 

Knowledge as legacy

As a physician who defines himself as a scientist, first and foremost, I think knowledge is more important than any amount of money you leave behind.  Knowledge is power after all, right?  Earlier I discussed wealth as legacy.  Money has tangible power in our society and can be an influential legacy.  However, leaving a legacy of knowledge behind likely has more impact than money itself.

Though the viewership of this website is largely high-income earners in healthcare, overwhelmingly if you have navigated to The Motivated M.D. I know two things about you… you are motivated…and you have knowledge to share.  These are both powerful tools.

‘Teach a man to fish…’

Yes, wealth can often afford a certain education.  In our society, money can purchase private education or allow one to relocate to areas with better public education.  But, you can lead a horse to water… (you know the rest).  Your children will be sponges when it comes to the education you provide them at home, be it through your words or your actions.  Whether you are a billionaire or barely ‘getting by,’ take the time to share your knowledge with those willing to listen and you will already be building a bigger legacy than you realize. 

Time as legacy

Ahh time, what a fickle thing.  The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get for wasting it.  It slips through our hands constantly but we just cannot seem to hold on tight enough.  I never thought I would be a 30-something year old physician writing about legacy…but here we are. 

The final legacy category I wish to discuss is time.  How to leave a legacy with time can prove tricky. Time, in this sense, is quite a generic and broad concept.  That is on purpose.  The waxing and waning of family size demonstrates it, knowledge only helps us understand it, and no amount of money can buy more of it.  Nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow.  I wrote a lot about this in a prior post called Plan for Forever, Live for Now.

The tricky thing about time

How are we supposed to best utilize our time if we have no idea how much of it we have?  For that reason it is both a precious and difficult resource.  The only logical conclusion I have reached is to treat it as such, every day.  Maybe I am jaded since I practice medicine, but that has only made me more appreciative of the insight I have, and can share with others.  Nobody wakes up in the morning and expects to have the worst day of their life, or receive a terminal diagnosis…but I meet these individuals constantly in the intensive care unit (ICU).

Time is the culmination of all aspects of legacy mentioned above.  We only have so much time to accumulate wealth, and spend it accordingly.  We only have so much time to build and strengthen relationships with our family.  And we can only teach what we learn; often that takes time and experience. 

The ultimate legacy

We cannot leave time itself as a legacy, but what we do with the time we are given is a legacy in-and-of itself.  If you knew the exact day you would die, would you change how you lived your life now?  Would you spend more time with your family?  Would you spend more time teaching your children how to navigate life?  How would you spend your wealth differently?  Use the time you are given, however long or short, to lead a life of example.  That is the ultimate legacy.

A life through example

As I continually work to have my parents spend time with our family and children, I have entered a new phase of understanding and patience with my father.  As dementia strips him of the man he once was, I have been forced to reach one simple conclusion.  I only need to lean in more.  Love him more.  Support him and my mother in any capacity they are willing to accept.  I cannot change what is going on, nor can the specialists managing his disease.  I can, however, change how I interact with the situation, and how I let it affect my life.

As I sit here writing, the reality is I am an early career physician, married to a loving wife who is also in her early career.  We have two busy but incredible children.  Like so many of you, we face our own financial struggles.  Is there one single legacy I wish to leave?  No, at least not at this moment.  I think a life well lived will embody so many of these legacies.  This is how to leave a legacy behind.

Take home points

If I am to suffer the same fate as my father, then I must accept that now is the most important time in my life.  How I choose to handle my personal finances now will allow me to utilize wealth as a legacy later in life.  Prioritizing a work-life balance with my demanding career that affords more time teaching and educating my children takes priority.  Creating a family environment where we can all find support and love in more than just those, we share a roof with will garner a sense of community. 

I am working diligently to secure a comfortable financial future, but that misses the point.  I am using my words and actions to leave a legacy of education for my family, with whatever time I have.  It’s about more than just me now… in fact, it’s not about me at all. 

Becoming the ghost of your children’s future

In one of my favorite movies, Interstellar, Cooper (played by Matthew McConaughey) is consoling his daughter before setting out on his intergalactic epic.  He says to her, “After you kids came along, your mom, she said something to me I never quite understood.  She said, ‘Now, we’re just here to be memories for our kids.’ I think now I understand what she meant.  Once you’re a parent, you’re the ghost of your children’s future.” 

Though my father is still here, the ghost of the man he was still comforts me, teaches me, and forces me to better myself.  The life my parents provided me, through their actions and words, challenges me to better myself now that I have a legacy to provide.  This is how to leave a legacy. As always…

Stay motivated!

The Motivated M.D.

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